


More than darkness

by Xyzcl



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Gen, Happy Birthday Sora, Happy birthday Vanitas, Kingdom Hearts III Spoilers, Mild Angst, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-12-26 01:20:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18272894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xyzcl/pseuds/Xyzcl
Summary: Vanitas wanted the pain to end and was all too happy to die for it. Ventus wasn't as happy about it though and held onto just enough of a hope he would come back to give his darker half a second chance. What better way to welcome Vanitas back than to throw a birthday party?





	More than darkness

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday to our favorite ball of sunshine and the best little gremlin!

It was over. Finally, he could sleep without the pain anymore. He opened his closed eyes as his mask that had kept him safe for so long shattered from the final blow that was dealt to him. The look of shock on Sora’s face was too good to be true.

“I’m the piece of Ventus that was taken away. And you’re the piece Ventus needed to be whole again. So...why shouldn’t you and I look exactly the same?” he asked while motioning between him and Sora. 

No, that wasn't right. Why did they have to look the same? Why couldn’t he look like Ventus still? It had felt right back then. Back then he could still pretend that nothing had happened, like he was still part of Ventus. Like this though, with his hair black and his eyes a golden shade, he couldn’t pretend. 

“You define me, Sora, the same way that Ventus does. We are brothers who, together, make a greater whole.”

_Brothers._ The word made him sick to his stomach. Sora and Ventus defined him but they could never be brothers. That was the one thing his time without his other half had drilled into him very clearly. The way he needed Ventus was far from brotherly. 

“Then why won’t you stand by our side? Instead of with darkness?” Sora called out, obviously upset. 

He couldn’t. He had been created for one purpose and all the pain, all the suffering he had gone through, all the emotions that had run rampant in an attempt to find his other half, after all of that there was no way he could stand by them. The memories of the sleepless nights he had spend throwing up from the pain were so deeply ingrained into his body he was surprised he had managed to fight for as long as he had.

“Because I _am_ darkness.” Vanitas replied honestly as he held his hands out to his side. “And I do stand by your side. I’m the shadow that you cast. How much closer could I be?”

He could feel his consciousness fading and forced himself to stay awake. He needed to finish this, he had so much he wanted to say to both Ventus and Sora before he left. 

“But I didn’t ask for this.” Ventus replied, his reaction shocking his darker half. “To be sifted apart, nice and neat. We should be free to choose. Not just light, not just darkness. _We_ decide what we are.”

“But….Ventus. I _did_ decide who I am. You see?” 

He was lying, both to himself and to the two guardians in front of him. The look on his better half’s face made it very clear he was caught in the lie and he forced himself to hold his gaze to the very end. If he died, maybe they could become whole again. Maybe it didn’t matter that Sora had fixed Ventus’ heart and he could become part of him again. 

“And what you are is darkness?” 

Ventus was mad at him for lying, he could see it on his face. He wanted so much to give in and tell the truth but he couldn’t, something was keeping him from being honest. He needed to keep lying to himself.

“What I am is darkness.” he replied after a long pause, sure that even Sora, as dense as he was, could tell he was lying at this point. 

He held his other half’s gaze as long as he could, the pain of their fight washing over him with the exhaustion that had finally started to catch up. Vanitas could feel himself starting to lose the fight with his own eyes as they tried to close. 

“Okay.” Ventus replied with a sigh, his tone making it obvious that he wanted to keep arguing with his darker half.

“How is that okay? Vanitas!” Sora called out, upset that the seeker of darkness was still lying to everyone. 

Vanitas looked up at the clear sky as he closed his eyes, allowing himself to succumb to the exhaustion washing over his body. He smiled as his replica body released his heart, the vessel too weak to hold him together any longer than it already had. Finally he was free of the pain, free of the torture Xehanort had put him through. He floated through the darkness aimlessly for what only felt like a moment before he spotted a light. Was someone calling for him already? Why couldn’t anyone just let him stay dead? Was that too much to ask for? Who could already be calling for him to come back? It was too warm of a feeling to be Xehanort again. Who would be calling for him other than him though? He didn’t have any friends and without him Ventus wouldn’t need to worry about anyone hurting Terra and Aqua anymore. All he ever did was hurt people, so who would be calling his name with such warmth behind it? 

He willed himself towards the light to tell whoever was calling out to him to shut up and let him sleep, letting out a quiet hiss as he closed his eyes and covered them with his hands. The light was too bright for him after floating in the darkness for so long and he needed to hide from its piercing burn as soon as possible. Letting himself adjust to the light, he peeked out from behind his fingers at what looked to be a world of glass in the sky. The sight of the world caught him off guard as he looked around curiously. Where was he? It was too peaceful to be hell. He looked down into the mirrored glass of the floor and jumped back in surprise. His eyes that had always been golden as long as he could remember were the same shade of red as the blood he’d coughed up on an almost daily basis. Did that mean that Xehanort was gone? That the man who had done everything in his power to make him suffer was finally dead? 

“You must be Vanitas!” a voice called out from behind him. Vanitas turned around to see a small grey creature holding a pouch behind him and stared at it in stunned silence. “Ven talks about you all the time! I didn’t think I’d find you here in The Final World though.”

“...who are you?” he asked after a while, still staring at the small grey creature.

“I’m Chirithy, a friend of Ven’s.” the dream eater explained as he held one hand up to his friend’s darker half. “He really misses you.”

“Me? Why would he miss me?” Vanitas laughed as he shook Chirithy’s hand. “He’s better off without me.”

“If that was true, you wouldn’t be here in The Final World.” the dream eater explained as he sat down next to Vanitas.

The black haired boy sat down next to the small creature with a confused look on his face. “What do you mean by that?”

“Something is holding you here, refusing to let you go. You’re hanging by a thread and that thread just happens to be Ven.” Chirithy explained as looked out at the horizon. “He won’t let you go, not like this at least. He found out what Xehanort did to you after you were separated and started helping Even and Ienzo with their project afterwards.”

“What project?” he asked in confusion.

“The replica project.” a familiar voice answered as two identical boys walked over towards him and the dream eater.

“There you are! I was wondering where you two went!” Chirithy jumped up and turned to Vanitas, introducing both of the boys that had just shown up. “This is Repliku and this is Dark Riku.”

“Just call me Dark.” one of the two boys asked as he awkwardly looked away from the other seeker of darkness.

“Someone wanted you two too?” Vanitas asked as he stood back up, confused by the idea that someone wanted all three of them back.

Repliku nodded as he set a hand on Dark’s head to keep him calm. “It’s either Riku or Sora that wants us back, maybe even both. Sora’s always been a sap like that.”

Vanitas nodded quietly as he listened to the two replicas talking to each other. It sounded like they had become very used to being together after the unknown length of time since the final battle between the seekers and the guardians in the Keyblade Graveyard. Chirithy pulled on the leg of his darksuit after a while to catch his attention and the red eyed teen looked down at the small dream eater. 

“Vanitas, look!” the grey creature whispered as he pointed out into the distance. 

Vanitas looked out to where the dream eater was motioning, a door in the distance catching his attention. “A door?”

Repliku smiled and nodded as he looked over at the door, reaching for Dark’s hand as he prepared himself for what was about to happen. “I guess it’s time for us to go. Are you ready Vanitas?”

“Ready for what?”

“Redemption.” 

Vanitas let out an amused sound as he rolled his eyes. He could lie to himself and others all he wanted but there was no denying his racing heart. All of his anxiety and his fear threatened to bubble up to the surface as he shook his head and replied honestly for once.

“No but like hell is that gonna stop me.” he mumbled as he looked down at the dream eater. “Tell Ven I’m coming home.” 

Chirithy nodded, obviously pleased with that answer as he disappeared. Vanitas took a deep breath and looked over at the two Riku replicas before motioning to the door. 

“Ready to go?” 

Dark nodded as he squeezed Repliku’s hand. “Yeah, we’re ready.”

The black haired teen nodded as he turned back to face the door, walking towards it with his stomach in knots. His other half wanted him back even after all he had done, after all the lies he had told, after all the pain he had inflicted on him and his friends. He couldn’t keep him waiting. Together with the two replicas, he stepped through the door.

The first thing he noticed on the other side of the door was the sound of machinery, the second was that he wasn’t wearing his darksuit. Vanitas blinked slowly as he looked down at what he was wearing, letting out a groan of dismay as he realized that he was wearing what was obviously Sora’s clothes. The sheer number of belts was going to drive him crazy when he changed into something he would actually wear later. 

“Couldn’t find anything better?” he grumbled half heartedly as he sat up and looked around the room. 

Before he could even register it happening, he was pushed back against the back of the chair with arms around him tightly. Freezing at the sudden contact, he looked down at familiarly spiked blond hair and couldn't help the chuckle that slipped from his mouth. Ventus squeezed him tightly as he pressed his face against his darker half’s chest. Vanitas awkwardly patted the blond’s back to try and comfort him as he felt the front of his shirt dampening with his none too quiet tears. 

“Welcome home Vanitas.” Ventus choked out between sobs as he clung to his other half.

“Yeah….I’m home Ven.” the black haired teen whispered with a slight smile.

A crash from the other side of the room brought both teens back to reality as they looked up to see what was happening. One of the two Riku replicas was on the floor with his back to the wall, the fear on his face at the sight of Ienzo obvious as the other replica stood between the two of them.

“Don’t touch him!” Dark growled as he guarded the older replica. 

“I was just trying to-” Ienzo barely managed to say before he was cut off.

“Get away from him.” the younger replica cut him off before kneeling down in front of Repliku. 

“Are they always like this?” Ventus asked as he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. 

“No clue, I barely know them.” Vanitas mumbled, sighing quietly before starting to wipe his other half’s face with the hem of his borrowed shirt. “You’re a mess Ven.” 

The blond smiled and let out a laugh before pouting as he poked Vanitas’ side. “I can’t help it, my other half wanted to lie to me and leave me by myself.” 

The black haired teen rolled his eyes as he sat back up, hopping down off the chair he had been on and stretching. He could hear the belts clacking against each other and it was going to drive him insane very quickly. “How did he manage to fight dressed like this? All I’ve done is stand up and I almost tripped because of the belts.”

“I don’t know.” Ventus replied honestly as he reached for his darker half’s hand. “Come on, the good fairies might be able to get you something better to wear.” 

Vanitas nodded as he allowed himself to be led out of the lab by Ventus, the blue eyed teen keeping close to the other as they walked in a way that made it clear to him that he was afraid of the black haired teen disappearing again. He gave the other’s hand a gentle squeeze to let him know he wasn’t going anywhere this time, noticing the way the other relaxed at the action and making a mental note to do it again when the other’s anxiety took over again. Now that he was back, he could sense that there was darkness in Ven’s heart again and wondered if maybe there could be light in his. They were separate and would never be the same as before Xehanort forced them apart but now, standing next to Ventus in his own body, he couldn’t help but wonder if maybe it was better this way. 

“Ven,” Vanitas whispered as he stopped walking “do you think I could be more than just darkness?”

Ventus looked up at his other half with a confused look on his face. “Of course you can Vanitas. When our hearts touched Sora’s, he gave us a chance to be more than our separate parts. Not just light, not just darkness. We’re free to choose for ourselves who we are. I know we’ll never be who we were before Master Xehanort forced us apart and I’ll probably never remember the kind of person we were but that’s okay. You’re you and I’m me, I wouldn’t have it any other way.” 

Vanitas felt an unfamiliar tightness in his chest as he listened to the other talk. It wasn’t a bad feeling like the anxiety he was used to, it was more of a pleasant feeling. Unlike all the panic attacks and the pain he had felt before, this was a feeling he wanted to feel again. It was something he wanted to hold onto.

“Are you okay Vani?” the blond asked, concerned by the tears welling in his friend’s eyes.

Vanitas was caught off guard by the nickname but didn’t hate it. “I don’t know what this feeling is but….I don’t hate it.” he explained as he gripped his borrowed shirt with his free hand. 

Ventus smiled and gently wiped his other half’s eyes with his thumb. “It’s called happiness Vani. Come on, let’s go see the fairies, we’re almost there.”

The black haired teen nodded as he allowed himself to be pulled along again. Happiness, it was such a strange feeling. If he was happy, why did it make him want to hold Ven and cry? Was it because he was happy that he wanted to hold his other half? To listen to his heart and know he was really alive? He was tired of all the lies he had told and knew that there was no way he could keep them up with how honest his expressions were ever since his last battle against Ventus and Sora. The lies he had told that day, he promised himself that they were the last ones he would tell his better half. The pain he had caused Ven and his friends, he knew he would spend the rest of his life making up for it, there was no way they would forgive him any time soon but maybe, just maybe, one day they would see past what he had been forced to do under Xehanort’s watch. Maybe one day they would even accept him as their friend the same way they had accepted Ventus after they had been separated.   
“Hello Ven, who’s your friend?” Flora asked curiously as she looked over Vanitas, the similarities between him and Sora’s catching all three of the fairies off guard. 

“This is Vanitas, he’s my other half.” Ventus explained as he moved so he was behind his darker half, putting his hands on the slightly taller teen’s shoulders. “I was wondering if you could make him some clothes. He can’t wear Sora’s old clothes forever.”

“Of course we can Ven, we just need to take some measurements.” Fauna replied happily as she flew over to the two boys with a measuring tape. “If you’d like, we could even make something new for you.”

“You’ve been wearing those clothes for over a decade, they’re starting to smell.” Merryweather explained with a disgusted crinkle of her nose.

“Worry about Vani first please, I can always borrow something from Roxas.” 

“Oh pish posh, we can work on them both at the same time. Who do you think we are?” Flora smiled as she started to take Ven’s measurements. 

Vanitas listened to the fairies and the other teen arguing back and forth as he stood still for the fairy in green. It took all of his self control not to laugh as Ventus tried to get out of having to wear something other than the outfit he had worn since they had separated over 10 years ago. 

“Is there anything you’d like with your new clothes dear?” Fauna asked gently, knowing that Vanitas was still not used to wearing anything other than his old darksuit. 

“...can I get a mask?” the black haired teen asked nervously, feeling exposed without his old mask to hide behind when he was anxious. “And no more than two belts.”

“I think we can arrange something.” the green fairy replied cheerily, nodding as she put away her measuring tape before motioning over to a table with sweets and a teapot. “Feel free to take a seat over there, we’ll have your new clothes ready in no time.” 

Vanitas nodded and walked over to the table, taking a seat with his back to the wall to help calm his growing anxiety. It had been so long since he had gone around without his mask to hide behind that he was starting to become almost paranoid. The pain was gone, sure, but for how long? Could he really believe that it wouldn’t come back? That he wouldn’t start coughing up blood again suddenly? It was too good to be true. He was sure the pain would be back soon enough. He was startled from his thoughts when Ven sat across from him with a sigh. He offered the black haired teen a cookie, holding back a grin as he saw the other stare at it in confusion.

“It’s a cookie, have you ever had one before?” Ventus asked, watching as Vanitas took it from him cautiously.

“No.” Vanitas admitted as he took a small bite of the cookie he had been handed. His eyes widened in surprise at the sudden sweetness that washed over his palate. He took a much larger bite as Ven called out for him to be careful, realizing why he shouldn’t take such large bites as he started coughing up crumbs. 

“I know they’re good but be careful Vani! Slow down or you’ll hurt yourself.” 

Vanitas nodded as he pounded on his chest to stop the coughing, taking a drink of the bitter tea to help everything that was left in his throat go down. He took his other half’s advice and slowed down as he continued to eat the cookies, making sure he wouldn’t start choking on them again. The red eyed teen registered his friend watching him with a smile and paused long enough to offer the other a cookie.

“I’m okay, Ienzo made me eat a little while ago.” Ven explained as he waved his hand dismissively. “Don’t eat too much though, there’s somewhere I wanna take you later.”

Vanitas nodded and narrowed his eyes, suspicious of where his lighter half could be planning on taking him. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Ventus, it was that he had learned very quickly after they had been separated that he should be cautious in any situation where he had no control of where he was going.

“Don’t worry Vani, I won’t take you anywhere you might be uncomfortable.” the blond promised as the green fairy flew over to the table the two of them were sitting at. 

“Ven, Vanitas, your clothes are ready now dears.” Fauna explained as she stopped next to Ventus, setting a suitcase down next to each of them before she motioned to a small room connected to the one they were in. “You can change over there.” 

Vanitas nodded as he picked up the suitcase he was handed and walked to the small room, checking to see if Ven was coming. The blond didn’t look like he really wanted to change into something else but followed anyway with his own suitcase. The black haired teen closed the door after the two of them. He turned his back to Ventus before starting to take off the mess of belts he was wearing around his waist. As he stripped down to his boxers, he threw Sora’s clothes onto a chair next to him, making sure they wouldn’t get damaged on accident. He opened the suitcase to find the good fairies knew just how to make him feel comfortable in his own clothes. He pulled on the black skinny jeans and loose black shirt before putting on the black and white checkered belt the way it was supposed to be worn and wrapping the red flannel around his waist in a way that reminded him of the skirtlike fabric of his darksuit. After pulling on the elbow length black and red striped fingerless gloves and the black earloop mask Fauna had thrown in for him, he peeked over at his other half in time to see Ventus putting his shoulder plate back on after changing. The blond was wearing a pair of loose grey pants and a white shirt with a grey short sleeve hoodie and his familiar wrist brace and the straps he wore over his chest like his friends Aqua and Terra did. 

“You look good.” Vanitas mumbled awkwardly as he rubbed the back of his neck and turned away from his companion. 

“You look better in your own clothes.” Ventus complimented with a smile, packing his old clothes into the suitcase the good fairies had given him.

The black haired teen followed his friend’s lead as he packed Sora’s clothes into the suitcase he had pulled his own clothes out of. At first he debated folding them but that seemed like too much effort so he tossed them inside, the mess of belts tangling as he closed the suitcase and picked it up. “Where to next?”

Ventus picked up his own suitcase before reaching for Vanitas’ hand, setting the suitcase down long enough to open the door before leading the way through the castle of Radiant Garden. “Xion, Roxas, Lea, Isa, and I have been staying in Radiant Garden while Terra and Aqua fix up the castle in the Land of Departure. You can ask for your own room if you want but, if you’re okay with it, I wanna share a room.”

Vanitas was surprised by the admission from his other half and smiled behind the mask he was wearing. He squeezed the slightly smaller hand in his and looked around the halls to try and memorize the way to where they were going. There was no way he would admit it yet but the thought of having Ventus by his side in case he had nightmares like he did before was comforting. The blond stopped in front of one door and begrudgingly let go of his darker half’s hand to open the door. 

“This is our room.” he explained as he looked up at Vanitas. “Set your suitcase down wherever and then we can go.”

He nodded and set the suitcase with Sora’s clothes down next to the single full sized bed in the room. Noticing the distinct lack of a second bed, he glanced over at the blue eyed teen with a raised eyebrow. 

“I just got back and we’re already sharing a bed?”

“You could always get your own room.” Ventus grumbled, looking away as his face turned slightly pink at the other’s teasing. 

Vanitas chuckled and shook his head. “No, I like it better this way. It's….comforting.”

The blond nodded as he held his hand out to his friend, smiling when his hand was taken again. He led the way through the halls of the castle to a dining room where their friends were waiting. Terra was talking with Lea and Roxas while Isa kept an eye on Xion, Namine, and Kairi. Aqua was setting a cake down on the table as they walked in and waved them over. 

“Riku is upstairs with Repliku and Dark showing them to their room right now, they’ll be down in a couple minutes.” she explained to the two boys, taking a moment to compose herself before smiling at Vanitas. “Welcome home Vanitas.”

The black haired boy nodded as he stood slightly behind Ventus, the look on her face making it very clear that she still hadn’t forgiven him for everything that had happened before. “Thanks…”

Loud arguing behind him caught his attention and he turned around just in time to see a blonde girl and a pink haired man walking in with Riku and his two replicas. One of the replicas had long hair now that was braided and draped across his shoulder, the other one had his hair in an undercut brushed to the side and black stud earrings in his ears. The one with longer hair was wearing blue jeans and a loose grey shirt while the one with shorter hair was wearing black shorts and a skin tight red shirt with a black short sleeve zip hoodie and black boots. From their appearances alone, it was obvious to Vanitas who was who. 

“Lauriam! Elrena!” Vanitas called out happily as he waved to them. 

“You missed one Ven.” Elrena teased as she walked over, a small grey dream eater peeking out from behind her.

“Hey Chirithy.” Vanitas greeted, catching his other half and two companions off guard as the dream eater walked over and waved.

“Welcome back Vanitas, it’s nice to see you outside the Final World.” Chirithy greeted happily before walking over and allowing Ventus to pick him up.

“You know Vanitas?” Ven asked his dream eater curiously.

“Yep! I met him in the Final World because you wanted him back so much!” 

Lauriam smiled as he held his hand out to Vanitas. “I would hope we wouldn’t need to introduce ourselves, you probably don’t remember us though.”

“No, I remember you Lauraim.” Vanitas admitted as he shook the pink haired man’s hand. “But I remember you by the stupid name Xemnas gave you.” he turned to look at Dark and motioned to the earrings in his ears. “Who pierced your ears? I wanna ask them to do mine.” 

“Elrena did, she did our hair too.” Dark explained as he motioned to the blonde lady next to Lauriam. 

“I’ll pierce them for you later.” Elrena promised before walking towards the table. “Aqua, why did you call us all here?”

“Ven called us all here actually.” the blue haired woman explained with an apologetic look. 

Ventus smiled and excitedly pulled his darker half over towards the cake his friend had set down on the table. He set Chirithy down before setting his hands on Vanitas’ shoulders and turning him to face the cake. “Happy birthday Vanitas!” 

Vanitas was caught off guard as he stared at the birthday cake on the table in front of him. On it were the words _‘Happy 17th birthday Sora and Vanitas’_. He looked around at everyone in the room and noticed a distinct lack of the other person mentioned on the cake however.

“...where is Sora?” he asked quietly, noticing the gloom in the room at the question. 

Roxas pulled his phone out of his pocket and shook his head. “He’s not here but that doesn't mean we can’t say happy birthday to him.” he explained as he dialed a number on the small device, putting it on speaker as he set it next to the cake. 

The group listened to the dial tone and waited for the beep that signaled they could leave their message before starting to sing happy birthday. Vanitas stared in stunned silence before pulling his mask off quietly. One look at his other half and he knew exactly what his wish was.

_‘Come back safely Sora.’_ he thought to himself before blowing out the candles for himself and the boy who couldn’t be there with him.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written while I was on caffeine, I'm sorry
> 
> Send all complaints to @kei_leonheart on twitter


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